Deabeat MOMS

We know what a deadbeat dad is, one who refuses to pay his child-support, but what is a deadbeat mom? Is there such thing? I believe so. Because our “modern” culture has approved of the term “deadbeat dad” – it has been used on the news and in other mainstream media – and because we are supposedly a gender blind society – I interpret this to mean it is acceptable to use the term “deadbeat” to describe a parent of either sex who is behaving inside a certain set of parameters; hence deadbeat mom. A deadbeat mom has nothing to do with paying, or not paying child-support. It is my position that a deadbeat mom is a woman who because of her unreasonable, ongoing anger and/or hatred towards her ex-husband or ex-boyfriend, engages in certain behaviors, often in the presence of children. This disparaging situation is an unhealthy environment for our children. At a minimum, deadbeat mom behavior can result in a stressful, unnatural, unnecessary pain between a father and his child. At a maximum, deadbeat mom behavior may cause the complete loss of relationship between a father and his child.




Generally speaking, I would call this type of woman a "misandrist." Basically this word means “man-hater.” I submit that most deadbeat moms were misandrists long before their husbands and boyfriends ever became involved with them, in all probability a result of their upbringing. They almost certainly grew up in an environment where their mother often spoke badly of their father right in front of them. In my situation, I heard my ex-mother in law speak negatively about both her husband and her father in her children’s presence. I later learned this was an ongoing phenomenon. These children, who later become man-hating/deadbeat moms, apparently learned that negative and destructive communication to a child about that child’s father, is a normal way to do things.
Consider the following:


Below is a small list of things, which in my opinion constitute deadbeat behavior.
One need not do all to be a deadbeat:


A willful desire, which may or may not be accompanied by specific action, to keep the children and father from seeing each other; stemming from her anger at her ex, not from any real danger the children may be in.


The choice to use negative or destructive terms when discussing the father in a way that the child can hear and understand. On rare occasions a reasonable and responsible adult may have a slip of the tongue and make a mistake, what I’m talking about is a purposeful, ongoing use of negative, destructive, hurtful terminology without regard for the child's presence and how it may be affecting him or her.


They will not talk to the child's father about any of the normal things that go on in a child's life, or the important things that go on in a child's life that reasonable ex-spouses would normally communicate. They may even go so far as to tell others, i.e. family members, schools, doctors and other professionals, not to allow the father access to any records about his child even when the laws of the State and Federal Government (where applicable) say he has access rights. It is as if they erect an Iron Curtain around all aspects of her home. When they do communicate something, the child (often a minor) is used to convey the message for them rather than do it themselves. And if that isn't enough, after instructing a child to communicate the issue (things which could be as important as legal issues or medically related) to her ex-husband, she actually may believe she has properly communicated with him, after all she said "Tell your dad......." I believe anything we tell our children to tell our ex-spouse for us might as well be considered not conveyed. I think this sort of irresponsible behavior places a lot of unnecessary, unhealthy stress on children.


They may consume excessive amounts of alcohol. What is excessive? One glass of wine? Two? Three? Different amounts of alcohol affect different people in different ways so we can't give an exact number per se. However we can say, "Excessive" alcohol consumption is an amount, when consumed by a mother causes the children to see her behavior as noticeably different then when sober, and, they notice this happens frequently. It doesn't matter what adults think about the quantity consumed or what other adults think of the mother's behavior when imbibed, what matters is how the children are affected. It is a known fact that excessive alcohol consumption by a parent has dire consequences upon children living in the home. I would say if a child says anything remotely similar to "I don't like kissing and hugging my mom good-night because she smells like alcohol" or "She can't talk straight, she slurs all her words... every weekend and when she has a stressful day at work" would be excessive regardless of the quantity consumed.


Actually, a child doesn't have "Two dads" as some mothers teach young children. I believe it is totally inappropriate to encourage young children to call any man dad except for their real father, especially when the father is an ongoing part of a child's life.


They may use illegal drugs. Any use of illegal drugs in the presence of children is an inexcusable, completely undefendable, and 100% deadbeat parent thing to do.


They lie...
They lie about the father to others.


They lie about the father to the child.


They lie on court documents.


They instruct their children to lie in court.


What is a “lie”? According to the 1962 edition of the Funk and Wagnall's New Practical Dictionary a lie is:
a) An untruth; falsehood.


b) Anything that deceives or creates a false impression.


My interpretation when relating to deadbeat moms: Purposefully speaking or writing, or otherwise describing an ex-husband or ex-boyfriend in a way that causes him to appear to be something other than what is true, factual, and accurate – almost certainly in a destructive or negative way. These lies are specifically designed to sway the opinion of a court, a child, or another person so they are more likely to side with the deadbeat mom as it relates to whatever untruthful position she is currently espousing.


They often undermine the father.
According to dictionary dot com "undermine" means:
"To weaken by wearing away a base or foundation.
"
"To weaken, injure, or impair, often by degrees or imperceptibly; sap.
"
Imagine a father involving his daughter in an activity; the daughter has fun and enjoys herself and later tries to share her excitement with her mother (after all she loves her mother)... Should the mother choose to use negative words, or somehow indicate opposition to describe the activity she weakens and impairs the relationship between the father and daughter; should the mother use unfavorable or detrimental speech to describe the father's choices and ideas she chooses to wear away at the base or foundation of trust a daughter has in her father's ability to choose good and fun things to do. Slowly but surely, imperceptibly even, the mother's malicious comments can cause a child to not trust her father's opinions and ideas about things. This may not be such a big problem for young children trying to decide what elective to take in 6th grade, but what about career goals? What about choosing a college? What about religious matters? What about...
They tell a child blatant lies like “Your father used to beat you.” Think of the damage to a child's inner-person an untrue statement like this can do.


If a dad sends little cards and letters to his child – who may be in a lower elementary school grade – after the mother first reads it, she throws it in the trash rather than give it to his child.


They have “Rules” similar to these:
When the child goes to visit the father, she instructs the child to not say anything about what goes on at her house, probably saying something like “Don’t tell your dad anything about what goes on over here.
” “Don’t tell your dad, don’t tell your dad…”
However, when visitation ends and the child returns to the mother, she questions the child at great length about what went on during the visit, demanding to know everything.


Then, she'll scold the child, perhaps severely, if she “thinks” the child “told” the dad something that they weren’t “supposed” to.
I have to ask, what are you hiding over there?
They call the police and wish to press charges because they claim you are not obeying the parenting plan, when in fact you really are and they know it. They know it because the part of the parenting plan you are "violating" is one they authored, making it nearly impossible for them to be mistaken in their allegation.


Should the child run away from home while in her care, then be gone for several days; she will not tell you about it.


They will hide your child from you for no good reason.


They just don’t bother to tell you of important medical situations, like:
A trip to the emergency room in an ambulance.


Being diagnosed with a serious medical condition.


An accident or mishap in which the child was injured.


(Prior to the above, they could have raised a huge stink because they mistakenly thought you were not going to tell them of a medical situation once).


If they think something bad is going on at the father's house, the first he hears about it is when served with legal papers – in other words, she opens the lines of communication with a lawyer. A reasonable person, when concerned that something is “going on,” would pick up the phone or send an e-mail to begin a dialogue.


They may be obsessed with frivolous lawsuits and dragging you into court. Going to court is a privilege we have in this country and is normally a good thing. However, in her sick and twisted way, the DeadBEATmom enjoys taking you to court. Also, she enjoys playing the "victim" in her cases with you, and the cases with others she gets herself involved with.
Mine was no exception, other than her numerous cases with me she sued:
My doctor – it would seem because she did not understand her own demands in the parenting plan.


An attorney she had – I speculate because her attorney knew she was being "one of those ex-wives" who was trying to "stick it to her ex-husband" using the children as a weapon. In all probability the attorney tried to guide her in a way he knew the court would see as a responsible and reasonable parenting plan, but she wouldn't hear of it and sued him.


Her employer – for "sexual harassment" over a situation she was probably responsible for starting.


(For a while there she averaged about a case a year).


She has your child call her live-in boyfriend “dad”, and call you by your first name when they discuss you while at her house. They go as far as to say something like, “You have two dads.” Shockingly, they may even stoop so low as to completely mislead their child about who their father actually is, saying another man altogether is their father. Ladies, you don't get to choose who your child's father is.


They believe the parenting plan is there only to protect the mother's rights from the father, but has nothing to do with protecting the father's rights from the mother. "They must obey the parenting plan but I don't have to." They become enraged when the think you are out of compliance – when you aren't – but have no problem with blatantly not obeying it themselves.


During the divorce proceedings, lawyers and the courts are good at explaining to husbands and wives about the negative affects this deadbeat behavior has on kids; they even suggest that phrases like "No parent shall speak negatively about the other parent in the presence of the children" or something similar be put in the parenting plan, and suggest we abide by it for the benefit of the children – this is a good thing. But a deadbeat parent will consciously exclude that phrase from a parenting plan.


Finally, in gross error, they think we do to them what they do to us – I’ve always said “A person who tells a lot of lies thinks everybody around them lies to them.
”
Ladies, after their born, you don't get to choose who your childrens' father is.

I GOT THIS FROM ANOTHER SITE, THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS....